The Tales of a Madarikan Boy: 08/14/12

DISCLAIMER: All characters,events and shitty illustrations in this blog ---Even those based on real people are entirely fictional. Readers discretion is adviced or something like that.

Hello Medaless people!! Been almost a month,i hope yall missed me. You didnt even notice i was gone *raises right eyebrow*. Keep quiet there jor!, we both know its cos you couldnt afford BIS for the past few weeks. So the Olympics is over, them Camerounians still havent been found o (Citizenship toh bad). Tho i have to give it to the Brits, it was all glamour to the end, except when Team Nigeria met its doom against Team USA *Shivers*. Heard if you say 'Anthony' to any of the Team Nigeria ballers they pass out immediately. Cant blame them, Post-traumatic stress i guess. But i trust my YY boys, Team USA go pay o.

I have to say i enjoyed every bit of the Olympics (i still dont think that horse riding thing should be in the Olympics tho). As we have all come to realize by now the Olympics is more than just a series of sporting events but is also a political arena which reflects the level of a country's development. The medals table (yes that table that Nigeria did not smell) is the round table (i know its not round, figure of speech as in 'Round table of Arthur's Knights', 'call centre table' for the pakos) where the Knights sit,with their shining armors and swords though some Knights are way bigger,stronger and richer than others *cou(America)ghs*. Couldn't come up with a better analogy,remember i put up a disclaimer o. Lemme try again. When buying boli (yes,which we all live for), you would notice that there is a segregation. With the majestic in front and the less majestic at the back and then we have the ones that don't even make it to the 'table'. I'm sure that should clear things up if you didn't know how the medals table worked. Such a beautiful analogy *wipes tears*
With the Olympics gone and Nigeria's absence (participation without a medal and absence wetin be d difference, abegi) i'm sure you cannot help but wonder how Nigeria could have performed better. I mean one bronze medal would have sufficed. You see i have come to realize while watching the Olympics and after carrying out extensive research (Google) that there isn't a single sporting event out of the 26 events in the Olympics which Nigeria should not be able to participate in. Not just participate but come out on top. Well apart from Gymnastics (no be by eba and amalar dem dey use do am). You disagree (not like i care) but lets look at this together;

Archery- Have you never heard of the Fulani or the Bororo tribe?? Well i have after schooling four years at Ilorin. They steal cars with bows and arrows and make Legolas and The italian job look like amateurs. How they drive the cars, beats me. I once heard they could shoot the moon out of the sky and they invented the Arrow Roulette .Okay the moon part is not true, probably the arrow roulette too,disclaimer yo! When asked if they would love to represent us at the next Olympics this is what i got above (inspiration for Naruto right there!). Having this wonderful and peaceful tribe representing us at the Olympics we are sure to get a medal, at least for costume.
Athletics - 9.63 right,thats bolts record, i laugh. Buy Gala and pure water, dont pay and speed off! Those boys go intimidate your car with speed,na to get headlight and plate number remain!
Basketball - This was a very troubling and sad sporting event for Nigeria. I'm sure you all heard about the 83 point massacre and to those that were unfortunate to have witnessed it, my condolences. One thing impressed me though the Team Nigeria coach spoke all the major languages in Nigeria at the end of each quarter as he wasnt sure what language they understood. Typical gypsies *sigh*. My advice to them on how to make the Nigerian team better, they should stop drinking milo!! Na cocaine dem need jor!We've got all these tall boys in the north. C'mon! Boko Haram is doing a better job at recruiting them Yaro boys! Give these boys better options and you think they'll pick blowing themselves up over trumping lebrons ass after he did this!

I doubt that!!!

Swimming - I would personally go to the Niger area and kidnapp our future Phelps. I mean! I would like to use this as a medium to plead with our professional swimmers. I'm sure most of you had no idea we had professional swimmers,better than Phelps, Lochte and Ye Shiwen combined. All dem mamiwater wey dey siddon for club dey shine teeth with boys nko....Ye shiwen no be una mate...see as she dey tear for wata so tey Phelps and Lochte won go sign for Arsenal o...na serious matter o,if una like make una no couple una sef dey go next Olympics when i hol sontin curse una,u go know au far!. DISCLAIMER O!
Boxing: I'm sure we all get to witness our very own agberos sparring once in a while and i know you agree with me when i say if Tyson and Klitchko had a son together, he'd be a vegetable beside our trusted agberos. I mean those guys punch anything, faces, buses, nepa poles, infertility out of a man, you name it! And to think we got knocked out in the first round, such a disgrace, considering we have boxers able and fit, i mean they dont even need equipmnets or clothes! Ever heard the saying 'float like a butterfly and ~~sting~~ arrange person dentition like an agbero'. Well now you have. That was coined after seeing Fadeyi boys spar!
Weightlifting: When Akpu has not finished on this planet!! Where my Akwa Ibom homies and babes abeg. China dominated this event, which brings me to the question how does a leaf and rice eating,skirt wearing,similar looking and wooden shoes rocking country like china win weightlifting??!! If you dont like the Stereotpying check out my big ass disclaimer above.
Cycling: The Ice cream man in my Secondary school then was incredible! Delivering such goodies from a far far away land regardless of the obstacles on his way. He was beyond awesome, He was a Superhero!! Im pretty sure he wasnt the only one of his kind, there are tons of them around,cycling away in the hot sun all in the name of delivering the cold crowned jewels to the kids. Imagine having these guys Cycle for us,they would rewrite history like im about to. History (Go figure!).
Table Tennis: I dont want to know how fast the Chinese play, place a bet on Agege and Ogba boys,trust me they'll make the Chinese look like they came to hawk pirated DVDs and chinco phones at the Olympics.
Rowing and Canoe Slalom: Ever wonder what those fishermen at the Argungun fishing festival are up to when they are not at the argungun fishing festival? They have underground and nightime canoe races duh! Its so dramatic it makes the premiership look like a school play! Tell them at the end of the course they each get a house,12 virgins, and a goat and see who brings home a gold medal.
Football: We all know how to fix this. Agege isale boys would make a perfect replacement for the Nigerian U-23 football team. I need not say more.

We dont have to stretch this out to all the 26 Sporting events at the Olympics now do we. I'm sure you get my point. We've got the resources no matter how crude they may seem, i'm def sure with adequate and proper training we stand a shot at bringing home a medal. Like i said, its just a reflection of how well a country is doing and also a forecast of where a Country is heading. Nigeria with 0 medals to her name is just sad and brings tears to my eyes. Looks like im getting all patriotic on yall but just being real. Incase you didnt know we were used by Team America to break about 6 records in a match!!

NEED

HELP!!!

As a Madarikan Boy, thats my take on the Olympics. Dont forget to drop a comment or two or three and share with your medaless folks! Here are some beautiful moments from the Olympics for those of you that missed it (i know say na OGTV cos am,sorry ehn). Enjoy.