ABOKI! ORE MI! OYI M! Whats the bloody difference?!!

After the 'successful' launch of 'The Tales of a Madarikan Boy' i got a cascade of comments. Okay truth be told wouldn't exactly call it a cascade more like a sprinkle of comments,some relevant and some not so relevant. Although the comments and constructive criticism are always welcome and appreciated (but u go like behave o!).
So...writing a blog is def hard,i mean i thought temple run was 'cray' (not to brag but i got a highscore of 989,000) until i decided to put to keyboard my insane yet sane thoughts. The hardest part of it all is finding inspiration (No, weed does not count as inspiration. Thank you.), then wrapping your head and fingers around the information surge maniacally prancing in your skull. It is not gbegiri, i tell you!.
Lets get down to business as i know you are trying to conserve your Blackberry batteries (i.e. 1 out of the 4 batteries you own). A controversial matter has reached my very busy office and it has been given utmost attention as it is a matter of high urgency and National Security but seeing as the Government *looks to the left, looks to the right* is incapable of handling matters other than changing names of schools, and appointing unqualified gbagaunisians as Perm Secs in Ministries i have brought it upon myself once again to attend to this growing act of Terrorism.
Tribalismiasm. Okay thats a made up word (na you get blog??).
Tribalismiasm:  'It is a state of mind where a group of yoruba people overtly and carelessly express their thoughts without much consideration of its impact on the environment in languages only understood by their fellow tribesmen' (Me; 2012). It is not only detrimental to ones health and psyche but its like getting front row seats at a Lord of Ajasa concert or being a contestant on Big Brother Yoruba edition! #SuicideInAllRamifications.
Tribalismiasm, TRS for short (yes! another made up word) has been reported rampant especially in offices such as Banks and Professional Service firms (Barbing Saloons and moin-moin sellers included) leaving its victims dumber than Kim Kardashian *shivers*

   LORD HELP US!!!

TRS also takes it toll on the environment as we are informed by an  Environmental activist, Al whore Gore. It has been discovered that the heat being released into the atmosphere resulting from the H-Factor syndrome (Himmhigration,Hellitrate etc.) has contributed to the melting of the polar ice caps,as stated by Al Gore (no be me talk am, make una no lynch me o).
By the powers vested in me i hereby re-instate THE COMMITTEE to once again come to your aid.
 THE COMMITTEE shall be spearheaded by none other than Farouk lawan Farouk Nuhu Ribadu (had to settle for the next best thing *rme*.
Dapo Oyebanji (who cant seem to find his nigerian passport) for media realtions, Arsene Wenger for Finances, Abul Qaqa who has left Boko Haram to heed the greater calling of THE COMMITTEE as our security personnel,plus he heard employees get free moin-moin.
THE COMMITTE asks that you join the fight against Tribalismiasm by reporting tribalismiastic activities in your environment. Such activities may include
- Conversations that sound like Obesere's album is playing.
- Conversations that make you think you want to buy a chinco phone at computer Village.
- Conversations that make you think you can hear a timer ticking.
- Singing of the national anthem in Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa (Still cant figure out why the peace and unity part cracks the Hausa's up).
- Conversations involving Heat emmission. This is a vey common symptom of the H-Factor syndrome.
Report such activities to Dangote Weafons and Tactics Unit (D.W.A.T). Thank you.

Okay thats a whole load of crap, but on a real tho people Tribalism is not cool. It happens, it hurts and you dont know. More than ever we need to be one and not segregated.Regardless of the fact that i am Yoruba (Madarikan buoy!! woot woot!) i shouldnt find it hard to talk football in Yoruba, national anthem in Yoruba,even fart in Yoruba if i could. Well i find it embarassingly hard talkless of a non-speaking individual. Tears an environment apart so please lets be conscious of it. Thanks and God Bless.
Detayo for Senator, 2020! JK!

ASD! Please help!!!

No smartass  Patrick Einstein Albert Obahiagbon i wasnt planning on spelling out ASDA, i actually meant ASD as in Attention Seeking Disorder. The term attention seeking (or drawing attention) is a form of situation managing and generally reserved for such situations where excessive and "inappropriate attention seeking" is seen.[1] It can be voluntarily or involuntarily. The term is most often used in domestic, theatrical, tactical, marketing, and other situations. It also can be used as........*snoring and drooling* (WikiPedia can be boring when its not about Hitler, Abacha or Ted Bundy). Enough with the digression! Its a psychological defect which a lot of great people are dealing with. This dude that comes up on your TV with irrelevant information which he and his mindless minions (i think it should be the other way round) purport to be relevant. Whats his name again, he got an award one time like that 'the most cursed president', still cant remember. Moving on. Basically its become a widespread disorder which i believe should be curtailed immediately. I mean this is really really serious. Really really really really serious (cant seem to come up with a word to show how pertinent and percarious it is). There should be a committee on this. Headed by Chuck Norris of course. Brick top (Snatch,yes Im a Guy Ritchie fan,youll be mental not to be). Wendy the black fat lady on BET (I DISLIKE HER) to handle media relations,definitely some Bruce Banner for security, and Dr Sheldon Cooper,just to piss some people off ! TOP THAT!

 
My study of this viral disorder has left me with the ability to single out its cause and yes its host. Twitter..dumdumdumdummm!. I know it looks like im digging my own grave right, but hear me out. Its the subtle truth. Its a world of sharing information and networking and all sorts as you may,but what you eat ,what you are wearing,where you are, remains all that and NOT INFORMATION. I repeat NOT INFORMATION for emphasis.

I stumbled upon Twitter early 2009, April to be precise. Okay i didnt exactly stumble on it,its not a porno site now is it. I went out of my way to be on Twitter but then it was yet to be a rave (i think). Angelic in its intrisic nature. Yet to be violated and molested by the thoughts of my generation. A simple platform for sharing relevant information, such a wonderful world then. Then came the era of Stupiditas. The era where sharing obscene pictures and videos would make you a goddess, Yes i am talking about Kim Kardashian. It was and is insane. And thus it all began, the birth and spread of ASD!! 

SYMPTOMS OF ASD

- Consulting your followers before making a crucial life changing  decision

- Re-tweeting ('reposting of comments' for the twillitrates) of almost every single alphabet that comes up on your timeline ('profile' for the twillitrates)

- Taking  random cheap shots at Facebook. (We know its dead but come on, the dude is still flippin rich ya know!) 

- Having and using more than one twitter handle ('profile name' for the twillitrates).

- Tweeting about what you are eating atm (we thank God you can afford some decent meal but who gives a ****, keyboards messing up, ****!!)

If you are suffering from any of these symptoms contact THE COMMITTEE  and you shall be prescribed the required not-so medical attention known as 'finally beating sense into your existence'. If symptoms persist please find your way to the nearest Guru Maraj Temple and like the rest of its habitants seize further communication with normal people. 

Thank you.